Parallel Lines Aren’t The Most Painful Representations Of People

I always hear people saying that it’s sad how parallel lines never meet. They’re so close to each other and yet, they aren’t given the chance to interact. But parallel lines aren’t the most painful representations of people.

In life, there are certain people around you who can be compared to parallel lines. They’re simply there alongside you, going in the same direction, but you never get to know them personally. At least, you don’t grow attached to them. That way, you won’t get hurt when they leave. Same is true with asymptotes. These are lines which continuously approach a given curve but never, ever touch it.

When we were discussing graphs of rational functions in class, asymptotes were introduced to us. The moment its definition was uttered, the class erupted in a series of “awwww”s and other pained sounds. Just shows how many of us could relate to it. Nandiyan na eh, pero ‘di mo manlang makausap o makahalubilo kahit papalapit ka nang papalapit. It simply isn’t meant to be. But then, not being able to get to know someone personally gives you an advantage: you don’t grow attached.

That’s where the intersecting lines come in.

These simple lines represent one painful concept. You see, intersecting lines meet at one point but after that, they are never to cross paths again. There are a lot of people you encounter throughout the course of your life, but they all come and go; even those whom you thought would stay. It’s quite painful how, when you get so used to someone’s presence, they leave; whether it be of their free will or otherwise.

It’s hurts even more when you consider how life goes on even when they have already left you. You can’t help but remember all the good times you once had and you’re left wanting to go back to your past. There’s a gaping hole in your person because of their departure and you simply can’t imagine how life could possibly go on, now that they are no longer in the picture. It’s simply upsetting how at some point, you used to be so close; you couldn’t be separated. You went through thick and thin together, went past all the hurdles that life would send your way with the other right beside you. But then you began to drift apart, ceasing to call each other “friends” and starting to refer to the other as a “stranger”.

Now, all you only ever think about is of what used to be and how it all went wrong.

Spiraling to Nothingness

i. blood and tears mix
on the palm of my hands
as i watch the flames die,
candle wax drips on my vans

ii. eyes dark as pitch
cuts and bruises on my skin
how can i fix this
when i’ve let the demons win?

iii. confusion intensifies
conflict continues to arise
in my mind, i’m going mad
thoughts comparable to darkened skies

iv. black and blue knuckles
scarlet marks on the wall
bearing streaks of blood
isolation once and for all

162 Days Clean

5.4 months.

23.143 weeks.

162 days.

It hasn’t been easy but I’ve managed to stay clean.

There were moments when I faltered and nearly gave in to the urges. Those times weren’t my greatest and I think of how a few words or even the littlest of things would make my world crumble to pieces. A snide comment or two would continuously replay in my mind, leaving me more insecure and broken. But luckily for me, those days have passed and I feel better. Hopefully, this feeling will linger for as long as it possibly can.

I’ve survived 162 days without drawing blood and honestly, it isn’t much, but it’s a start.

Uncontrollable Rage

my heart pumps blood through my body
at a hundred miles per hour
my body trembles incessantly
after seemingly going to war

a heat traversed my being
i could feel it in my veins
when i opened my mouth to shout
i had let go of my reigns

the minute that the words left my lips
my body pulsed with heat
with shaking hands, i felt weak
feeling on edge on my seat

because of their noise and impertinence
my rage exploded and grew
they just had to be so obnoxious
if i could only shut their mouths with glue

***

Footnote (a little backstory):

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